What the Heart Wants
by Luv4AmandaT
Summary: Helen and John have had a whirlwind romance for decades but she lost her trust in him. In this fic, things have changed but can she give him another chance?


**What the Heart Wants**** 2/5/12**

Dawn was just beginning to break over the horizon as Helen Magnus awoke. It had been a fitful night, full of dreams, haunted…by him. John Druitt. She hadn't dreamt or even thought of him in for months, in fact, she believed that her mind and her heart were finally beginning to let him go. But the dream seemed so real that she half expected to wake up next to him.

"I have to get up," Helen murmured to herself, "I have things to do." She didn't have time to be thinking of her lost love.

**LAB****:**

When Helen entered the lab she was greeted by her team. They were gathered waiting for the morning meeting to begin and it wasn't like Helen Magnus to be late. She glanced at the clock. Dear Lord, she thought to herself, waking up with John on her mind has set her back nearly 30 minutes.

"My apologies for my tardiness, everyone; shall we begin?" she asked as they all huddled around her. She conducted the meeting rather swiftly. She was finding it hard to concentrate; all she could think of was John. She knew that she had to get out of there and retreat to her office to be alone with her thoughts.

**TWO HOURS LATER****:**

Helen was sitting in front of the big picture window in her office, looking out across Old City. Why had Jon come back into her mind, her dreams, so suddenly? Was her mind trying to tell her something?

Just then Will's voice over the intercom cut through her thoughts. "Uh, Magnus…" he said, "There's someone at the front gate. It's Druitt. Should I let him in?"

"I'll go out and meet him, Will, thank you," was her only response. She hurriedly made her way out of her office and out to the front gate. John was here? What was he doing here? Is this why thoughts of him had invaded her mind once again?

Will was right. It was John. But something was different. She could see it in his eyes. Rage no longer burned there. Lines of anger and violence no longer creased his face.

"What do you want, John?" Helen asked just as she reached the gate. She knew this man and what he was capable of. She knew that he could be dangerous and she wasn't about to let him into her Sanctuary without an explanation.

"I needed to see you, Helen…" John replied, with softness in his voice she had thought long gone. "I dreamt of you last night and I can't get you out of my head today. I tried to stay away- I know that it's safer for you. But I needed to see you."

"Ok, I'll let you in, but no funny business," she replied, typing the four digit code into the gate's keypad. She led him into the house and to the study where she knew they wouldn't be disturbed. "What is it? Why do you need to see me?" she asked him as she took a seat across from him. She still wasn't ready to let herself get close to him. John could be dangerous and this may just be one of his tricks.

"I've been thinking of you all day and I couldn't fight the urge any longer- I had to come."

"John…" Helen was quickly growing weary of this.

"Helen, please, just listen. Something has happened. There is a reason that I have been out of contact for so long. SCUI captured me. They found out about the energy elemental living inside of me and they wanted it. They held me captive for weeks performing doing procedures to try to remove the creature. Helen- they succeeded. It's gone." John explained.

Helen didn't know if she could believe what she was hearing. After all, John had lied to her many times. It came too naturally to him. "Quite frankly, John, I don't know if I should believe you." Helen had her doubts and she wasn't about to hide them.

"Helen, I'm telling you, it's gone. I'm free. When I was released last night, I thought that it was too good to be true. But it IS true. It's gone. All the rage and anger in me has subsided. I feel clean; unencumbered by feelings of hatred and violence." John said, trying to convince her.

Helen wanted so badly to believe him, to believe that his torment was finally over. That the killing would finally stop. Her heart wanted to believe but her mind would not stop questioning it.

'Helen, I know that you still love me. I know that you do. You don't want to but you do." John continued, "Now I can be the man that you want, the man that you deserve. I love you for all eternity. I've told you that. My love for you will never end."

"John, I've tried so hard to hate you…for the things you've done to me, to us. You hurt me in ways that I didn't even know were possible…" Helen replied, turning away so that he wouldn't see the tears welling up in her eyes.

"I know, and I can't change the things I've done…but I can spend the rest of my unnatural life trying to atone for the mistakes I've made." John pleaded, "you are my love, my hearts reason for beating. I love you with every ounce of humanity within me." John reached out and placed his hands on her hips, pulling her close to him. He stared into her eyes. He wanted her to see the truth- that he was sincere. He loved this woman and he would give anything to be with her.

As Helen looked into his eyes, she knew that John meant what he said. She wanted to believe him- the creature was gone and this was the man she loved, the man she wanted to spend eternity with.

"I will do anything I can to make you happy. I will do anything to make you love me again," John coaxed, still staring deep into her cerulean blue eyes. "Give me a chance…I promise you won't regret it."

Helen's mind was fighting John's words. He had hurt so many times- could it really be different?

"John…I never stopped loving you. I do want to be with you. That's all I've ever wanted." Helen replied, her walls now crumbling. John's heart leapt as he took in Helen's words. She still loved him; she had never stopped. Helen turned her face up to meet John's lips. It was a tender kiss, one that had waited so long to be gifted.

"I want you in my life- everyday. You can never leave me again. It will kill me the next time." Helen said, with tears streaming down her face.

John leaned in and kissed the tears away from her eyes. "I will never leave you again. You are my heart and soul. All I want is you…" John said, emotions overcoming her as well. "All I've ever wanted is you. Let's start new."

Helen's heart felt as though it would burst from her chest. She had wanted for so long the many that she had fallen in love with. He was the only man who could love her the way she needed to be loved. He was the only man she had ever fully given her heart to.

"Let's…" Helen said as the most delicate smile danced across her lips. She took John's hand in hers and led him out of the study and up the stairs to her bedroom. Once inside, she closed and locked the door and walked over to where John stood. "You are the only man who touches me the way that I need to be touched. You are the only man who can kiss away my fears. I only feel safe in your arms. I am yours." She said tenderly as she removed her jacket and began to unbutton her blouse.


End file.
